


An Angel's Guardian

by Starlight1395



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, College AU, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Panic Attacks, Suicidal Thoughts, Supernatural - Freeform, almost happy ending?, jisung and changbin referenced briefly but the others are all there, more hurt than comfort tho, more tags to be added if requested, not quite one sided love, twist ending, vent fic lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 05:49:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29729289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starlight1395/pseuds/Starlight1395
Summary: Felix could feel himself crumbling, but there was nothing he could do to stop it. His only two friends were madly in love with each other, and he was...A spare part.Then, Felix meets someone extraordinary. He helps Felix learn to love himself again, when the human boy wants nothing more than to make it all stop.But how far is this person willing to go to make Felix happy?He would sacrifice anything - even his own heart.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix, Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Felix, Kim Seungmin/Yang Jeongin | I.N, Lee Felix/??
Comments: 3
Kudos: 32





	An Angel's Guardian

He sobbed pitifully into his pillow, knowing no one would be able to hear him. Felix lived with his two childhood friends, Seungmin and Jeongin, who were conveniently away for the weekend to visit the latter’s parents. They had offered to bring Felix with them, but he would rather he left alone in the apartment than be a third wheel. He knew Jeongin’s parents would have been thrilled to see him - it had been almost a year since they had seen him - but he couldn’t do that to himself.

He couldn’t spend the whole weekend watching Seungmin and Jeongin love each other while he was left as a spare part. At least alone in his room, there was no one to see his pitiful tears.

What was wrong with him? It was like his medication wasn’t even doing anything anymore. He needed to talk to his doctor, but what was the point? Nothing could fix him - he was broken, and there was nothing on earth that could fix him.

The room spun as he tried to sit up. He had done this before, where he cried so hard he felt almost drunk, but it had been awhile since the last time. He wished he had thought to stock up on booze before settling in for his pity party, because at least then he could pretend he wasn’t all alone.

“Lixie...” A voice said from the doorway. Felix jumped a foot in the air and scrambled away, his back hitting the wall as he stared at the figure in fear.

“Who the fuck-”

“Who do you think I am?” The person stepped into the room, closing the door behind him, and Felix realized he must be hallucinating.

“You look like... Bangchan.” He said hesitantly, wondering just when he fell asleep. He’d never experienced a lucid dream before, but this has to be one - there was no way this _wasn’t_ a dream.

“What’s wrong Pixie?” Chan asked, his face twisting in concern.

“You’re not real,” Felix scrunched his eyes together before letting his body relax - if this was a dream, why fight it? This could be his chance to meet his idol - Bangchan, the leader of his favorite k-hip hop group 3racha, the boy who’s given Felix hope that things can get better. The boy whose lyrics had gotten Felix through his darkest moments... “Why are you- Who- I don’t-”

“Come here aegi,” Chan opened his arms, his eyes warm and soft. Felix only hesitated for a moment before throwing himself at the idol, burying his face in Chan’s neck. “Shh, it’s alright. Hyung’s got you.”

“You feel so real...” Felix sobbed, clinging to Chan as though his life depended on it. He desperately hoped he would remember this when he woke up, because he almost never remembered his dreams. Chan’s arms were warm around him, and smelled like home. Felix didn’t know how that made sense, but it did.

“What’s gotten my Sunshine so sad?” Chan asked, his voice vibrating through the younger boy’s chest.

“I just- I don’t know why I feel so alone,” Felix whispered brokenly. “I love my friends, and I know th-they love me, but... but it’s so fucking hard to live with Seungmin and Jeongin cuz they’re so disgustingly in love and I know they try to tone it down around me because they don’t wanna upset me but I hate the fact that them being happy makes me sad!”

“That’s okay baby,” Chan pressed a kiss to Felix’s forehead. “You can be happy for your friends and still feel left out. You’ve been friends for so long, it’s only natural to feel a little abandoned after they start dating.”

“I just- I want someone to look at me the way they look at each other,” Felix didn’t think to question how Chan knew that about his friends. It was a dream, after all. His subconscious was supplying whatever the dream needed. “I don’t know why I’m so unlovable-”

“No, kitten, you’re not unlovable,” Chan said, sounding choked. Felix just clung to him more, sobbing into the older boy’s chest. “You’re so lovable, it’s almost scary.”

“I’m not,” He shook his head violently. “I’m not... no one will love me- I’m going to alone forever and I’d rather fucking kill myself than live the rest of my life watching everyone leave me behind-”

Felix’s eyes flew open when he felt something soft being pressed to his lips. Chan cupped Felix’s cheek, not trying to deepen the kiss before Felix was ready.

This was officially the best dream Felix had ever experienced. He parted his lips, letting Chan’s tongue in to dance against his own. He wondered faintly if Chan could taste the tears that had fallen onto his lips.

Strong, warm hands found his waist, and Felix felt so wonderfully small. Chan picked him up as though he was weightless, wrapping the smaller boy’s legs around his hips, holding him in the air without any struggle.

Felix wrapped his arms around Chan’s neck as he bit at the older boy’s lips, desperately trying to get as close to Chan as possible. He could feel his hard on starting to dig into Chan’s stomach. He had never had a wet dream that felt so.... Real.

So real, in fact, that he couldn’t hold back the loud whimper that escaped his lips when he felt teeth on his throat.

“You’re so beautiful, Pixie,” Chan murmured against Felix’s fevered skin. “So fucking pretty... you’re so perfect...”

“Ah- Chan-” Felix’s back arched a little as strong, warm hands found their way under his shirt. Fire blossomed along his bare chest where Chan touched, his palm almost rough yet mind blowingly amazing.

“Such a good boy,” Chan placed Felix onto the bed as though the smaller boy was made of the most breakable glass. Felix couldn’t help but sob - no one had ever treated him so delicately. All his past relationships had been less than perfect, each one ending with his heart breaking just a little more. “So good for me.”

“Chan...” Felix begged, but he wasn’t sure what he was begging for. He hoped this lucid dream would go a little faster - if this was his one chance to have Bangchan fuck him, he didn’t want to wake up before it got to the good part.

“You’re deserving of love, Felix,” Chan whispered, his voice sounding different. “Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.”

“I’m not-”

“You are,” Chan pulled away, tears made his red eyes shine as though they were hot coals, reds and oranges and yellows dancing with one another. “You’re worth... so much. It’s terrifying how good you are...”

“You’re so much better than me,” Felix cried, not liking how emotional he was getting again. He wanted to cum, not cry! “I-I don’t even deserve to dream about you like this-”

“Dream?” Chan blinked slowly, his expression looking sad, but accepting. He leaned back down and captured Felix’s lips, kissing any objections the younger boy might have.

Felix let Chan do as he wished, letting his body relax and be maneuvered however Dream Chan wanted it to. He could feel fingers tugging at his waistband and he felt the hair on the back of his neck stand in anticipation.

Just as Chan began to reach for Felix’s dick, everything went dark.

“Fuck...” Felix groaned, sitting up in his bed. Sure, he’s had a few wet dreams in his day, but that was... painfully real - so painful, in fact, that his dick was in literal pain from how hard it was.

How cruel of Dream Chan to not finish the job...

Felix rolled out of bed, noting how dry his mouth was. It made sense, seeing how he spent at least two straight hours sobbing his heart out the night before. He was drained, but the hollow pain in his chest that normally followed him after a breakdown like that, seemed to be missing for some reason.

Lucid dreams, huh...

Felix went to the bathroom and threw the shower on, waiting for the water to warm up as he reached between his legs.

If Chan wasn’t going to finish the job, he would.

He didn’t check the mirror, so he didn’t see the faint bruises along his throat fading into nothingness.

* * *

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” Seungmin asked for the fifth time that night.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.” Felix gave an exasperated chuckle. Just because Seungmin had won tickets for him and Jeongin to go see 3Racha - the group that Felix just happened to be _in love_ with - didn’t mean he needed a babysitter when his friends went away. Seungmin looked so heartbroken when he was only able to get two tickets, and Felix - stupidly - convinced him it was fine to take Jeongin instead of him.

He knew Seungmin loved Jeongin more than anything - even more than he loved Felix, and that was something Felix had accepted the moment Seungmin admitted to him that he had a crush on the younger boy, back when they were still in high school. Now that they were almost twenty three, the ache still hit at the most inopportune times.

“I’m sorry hyung.” Jeongin looked like he was about to cry.

“Pft, why are you sorry?” Felix grinned - please don’t let them notice how tight it is - and ruffled the younger boy’s hair. “Just get some good video for me, yeah? And maybe a hoodie if there’re any left.”

“Of course!” Jeongin nodded, his bangs flopping excitedly.

“We should get going,” Seungmin sounded reluctant. “The train leaves at three, and it takes twenty minutes to get to the station.”

“You better hurry,” Felix put his hands in his pocket, letting his shoulders slump in the practiced way that said ‘I’m completely relaxed and everything is A-okay!’ “It would be a shame if you didn’t get to the venue twelve hours before the doors open.”

“It’s not _twelve_ ,” Seungmin sniffed, tugging his jacket on. “I just... like being able to hang out and make friends beforehand.”

“I know, I’m just teasing.” Felix waved them out the door. He watched them step into the lyft they had called, the car quickly turning into a small dot down the road and leaving Felix alone once again.

He closed the front door, locking it behind him. He let out a heavy breath and slumped to the ground, resting his back against the door and wrapping his arms around his legs, hiding his face against his knees.

“I’m not going to cry...” He promised himself. “I’m n-not going to f-fucking cry...”

He had never been good at keeping promises.

Sobs seemed to echo faintly through the empty apartment.

Why was he like this? It had been _weeks_ since he had a breakdown like this! Why was he so fucking-

“Weak,” He growled, tugging his bangs harshly. The pain only made him cry harder, but he wanted more. He wanted to _hurt_ , if only to make the pain in his chest stop.

“Worthless piece of shit. Unlovable, disgusting, worthless, worthless, WORTHLESS-”

“Hey, none of that aegi,” A familiar voice cooed, just in front of him. “You’re none of those things. You’re so good.”

“Chan-” Felix didn’t care that he didn’t remember falling asleep. It felt so real - there was no point between sitting down and him throwing himself into Chan’s arms that would have allowed him to pass out, but he didn’t care.

“Shhh, shh you’re okay,” Chan rocked him gently, letting Felix sob his heart out into his shoulder. “Hyung’s got you, love. You’re not alone anymore.”

“Why can’t I just-”

“What was that angel?” Chan hummed, pulling Felix back just enough to look the younger boy in the eye. Felix’s face was swollen and blotchy, his bottom lip trembling from the effort to hold back another onslaught of tears.

“Why can’t I just stay with you?” He whispered, crumbling into a ball, his forehead pressing against the ground. “Why d-do I have to keep waking up all a-alone? Why can’t you _stay_ -?”

“I’m so sorry Felix,” Chan whispered, his voice sounding lighter, almost like another person was speaking all together. It only lasted for a moment before he sounded like Chan once more. “Don’t worry, I’ll be here as much as I can. I promise.”

“How can you promise that?” Felix wanted to rip himself away from Chan’s warm arms, but he just couldn’t do it. “I-it’s been weeks! And... and you aren’t even fucking real!’

“What do you mean, aegi?” Chan asked, and Felix wished he could take the words back instantly. He had done some research on lucid dreams after waking from the last one, and something he had seen over and over again was that you shouldn’t acknowledge that it’s a dream - too many things could happen - but he couldn’t help it. He wanted to punish himself. He didn’t deserve to have Chan comfort him, even if it was just in a dream.

“Th-this is just a fucking dream!” Felix shouted, his voice breaking pitifully as he slumped against Chan’s chest, all will to fight gone. “The o-only place anyone could l-l-love me is in my own fucking dreams...”

“That’s not true,” Chan whispered, and Felix could feel heat soaking into his shoulder. Was Chan... crying? It didn’t make sense - why would a dream that his own mind created allow someone as bright and beautiful as Chan... cry? “Felix, please believe me.”

“What’s the point?” he had no more energy to cry. He just wanted it to all... stop. “It would be s-so easy... d’ya ever wonder why it’s so easy for people to kill themselves-”

“You can’t give in,” Chan gathered Felix into his arms, holding the smaller boy close, picking him up as though he weighed as much as a cat. “Angel, Princess, baby, Lixie... you can’t give into those thoughts. You’re far too bright to be extinguished so soon...”

“I’m so tired... I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I just want to be happy...”

“You will be, aegi, I promise,” Chan carried Felix to his room, placing the boy gently on the bed. Felix wished this was like his last dream - at least then he was being kissed breathless and could feel Chan’s hands on his skin as though it were real. Now he was just sad and tired and wished he had never been born. “There’s no way someone as bright as you will stay alone forever. I promise.”

“I wish I could stay here,” Felix murmured, his voice thick with tears. “Right here... forever...”  
Felix snuggled into Chan’s arms. He genuinely couldn’t remember a single time he had felt this safe before.

“If there was a way to stay with you... I’d do it in an instant,” Chan whispered, his breath playing with Felix’s hair. The older boy sounded so- so broken. It made Felix want to cry all over again. Why was it the only person who wanted to be with him as badly as he wanted to be with them a fucking dream? “Can I tell you a secret, aegi?”

“Mm, of course Channie.”

“Even when you can’t see me, or touch me, I’m always with you,” Chan whispered the words like a prayer. Felix could feel himself slipping, his eyes getting heavier as the exhaustion finally hitting him. “For as long as you remember me... I will be with you, even when you don’t know I am... you never have to be alone again.”

“As if I could ever forget you,” Felix chuckled through his sniffles. Finally the tears seemed to have run out. Thank you...”

“For what?”

“For loving me...” Felix sighed, letting his weight slump against Chan fully. He was asleep a moment later, his breathing stuffy but even.

“I’ve always loved you...” Chan whispered in the voice that wasn’t quite his.

* * *

  
Felix eyed the newcomer with distrust. It had been a long time since someone new was introduced into their dynamic - the last person had been Jeongin, when he was a freshman in high school while Felix and Seungmin were sophomores. It had just been the three of them since that day, so sitting across from this almost unnaturally pretty boy...

Felix didn’t know if he liked Hwang Hyunjin all that much.

“I can’t believe you told our professor off like that.” Seungmin laughed, causing Hyunjin to giggle as well.

“I told you at the beginning of the semester,” Hyunjin shrugged, shooting Felix a playful smirk. “I’m not taking any shit from a white guy, even if he’s my professor.”

“Just be careful not to get on his bad side too much,” Jeongin took a bite of his fries, which were smothered in ketchup. “It’ll be a shame if he fails you on purpose and then you have to retake the class without us.”

Felix, for the first time since the semester started, regretted not taking that stupid Shakespeare class. It wasn’t required for his major, but maybe if he had been there with Seungmin and Jeongin - and Hyunjin, he admitted hesitantly - maybe he wouldn’t feel so... left out. He had no idea what they were talking about, and that sickly feeling in his chest seemed to grow thicker and thicker.

He just wanted to belong.

“I’m gonna head back,” He said, gathering his trash and standing. Unlike the other three, he was all done with classes for the day. Normally he loitered on campus until his friends were finished with their lectures, and they would walk back to their apartment together, but it seemed they were perfectly content with their new friend. “Want to do anything special for dinner?’

“Already?” Seungmin asked, his eyebrows furrowing. He knew how much Felix hated to be alone - especially in the last couple of months. It seemed Felix would either isolate himself for days on end, or be glued to their sides every waking moment.

He and Jeongin both were getting worried about Felix’s behavior.

“I can feel a headache coming on and I figured some advil and a nap and maybe a hot shower can stop it before it hits,” Felix chuckled easily, but he saw the looks his friends exchanged. His ears burned, but he refused to let them know their worry made something deep inside of him bubble. “Honestly, I might just crash, so if you wanna get dinner out you can.”

“Are you sure?” Jeongin frowned at him.

“We could bring back something for you?” Hyunjin offered, and Felix didn’t know how he felt about the beautiful stranger saying ‘we’ so casually. It had always been Felix, Seungmin and Jeongin... and now Hyunjin, apparently.

“Nah, you don’t have to worry about me,” He chuckled again, trying to keep it light. “I’ll probably just make something light and take a nap.”

Before anyone could object, Felix was waving to them and jogging away. He didn’t think he would be strong enough to resist their concern if he stayed for a moment longer.

He made it back to the apartment in record time, his chest heaving as he closed the door behind him. He wasn’t exactly out of shape - he was an avid dancer, and one of the best in the university’s dance team, if he did say so himself - but running was different than dancing.

“Welcome home, aegi.” Chan walked out of the kitchen, dressed in black jeans, black shirt and black hoodie. He looked...

Ethereal.

“How...?” Felix knew he wasn’t asleep this time. He froze, trying to determine if he was hallucinating, or if maybe he got hit by a car on his way home and didn’t even notice.

Because there was no way Bangchan was actually standing in his kitchen, looking soft and sleepy and holding his arms out for Felix to step into.

“You look tired, Pixie,” Chan hummed, smiling. Felix’s stomach dropped at the sight. “Are you hungry?”

“You’re not Chan.”

“What?” Chan blinked, his shoulder straightening instantly.

“I know this time isn’t a dream,” How was he so calm? He knew something was wrong, but for some reason he didn’t feel afraid of the man in his kitchen. “And... and Chan’s eyes are brown, not red.”

“Felix-”

“And Chan has dimples.” That was what tipped him off. How did he not notice before? The eyes he could mistake for a dream, but he knew Chan’s dimples better than anything - even unconscious, Felix wouldn’t have forgotten Chan’s dimpled smile

“Ah, you’ve caught me,” Chan said, almost sheepishly. Before his eyes, Felix saw the other boy’s cheek dip in, dimples forming on either side of his mouth, but the eyes stayed red like hot embers. “I was wondering when I’d be caught.”

“Who are you?” Felix was trying to make himself afraid - he knew his self preservation skills were basically non-existent, but even he knew he should be frightened, at least a little bit, but instead all he felt was calm. At ease, even.

“I’m...” Chan hesitated, his smile dropping. “I’m kinda like... a guardian ang- spirit. I took a form I thought you’d feel comfortable around.”

“A spirit guardian? Why?”

“You need someone, so here I am,” Chan smiled again, and for some reason it made sense to Felix. “Do- do you want me to go? I won’t stay if you don’t want me to-”

“No,” Felix rushed forward and wrapped his arms around Chan’s waist. “Please don’t leave...”

“I won’t, aegi, I promise.”

“Wait,” Felix ripped himself away from Chan, horror making his face go white. “If you’re real... oh my god- holy fucking shit! Oh my god!”

“Lixie?” Chan asked, looking concerned as Felix stared at his hands as if he had never seen them before.

“Oh my fucking god we made out,” Felix screeched, his face suddenly as red as Not Chan’s eyes. “We- we almost fucked! You touched my dick and then I fucking sobbed like a bitch all over you!”

“Ah, you’re so cute Pixie,” Chan’s bright, ringing laughter filled the kitchen, making Felix pause his freak out. “Makes me want to... protect you forever.”

“I... is it really okay?”

“Is what okay?”

“... that we kiss... and stuff...” Felix muttered, feeling like an asshole. If he had known Chan was real, he would have asked permission first! Did he take advantage of Not Chan because he thought it was a dream?

“Yes, baby, it was more than alright,” Chan’s eyes danced with mirth and he pulled Felix back into his arms. He pressed a gentle kiss to the corner of the boy’s mouth. “It’s _more_ than alright.”

“Do you only show up when I’m alone?” Felix wondered, leaning into Chan’s warmth.

“Mm, no one else can see me,” He answered softly. “I’m for your eyes only.”

“I wish you were real...”

“But I am real,” Chan chuckled, nipping gently at the younger boy’s jaw, making Felix jump a little and slap Chan’s chest. “Does that feel fake to you?”

“You know what I mean...” Felix sighed, his shoulders slumping a little. “You’re... so perfect. I wish I could just date you. I’d be happy forever if it could be you.”

“I... I wish it could be me too, love,” Chan choked out, holding Felix close. “You have no idea what I would risk to stay by your side, but... but I know I can’t. Not the way you need me to...”

“What should I do then?”

“Let me comfort you, and don’t close your heart off,” Chan kissed Felix’s forehead, and the younger boy felt his stomach flip happily. “There are s-so many amazing things planned for you, aegi... I’m but a stepping stone in your life. I’m just here to help you flourish.”

“What did I do to deserve someone like you to watch after me?” Felix asked after a moment. “Do other people have guardian spirits too?”

Chan smiled at him, but for some reason, it looked almost... sad. Instead of answering, he just leaned down and captured Felix’s lips in a kiss. He let his eyes flutter shut, leaning into the kiss with his whole weight. He knew Chan wouldn’t let him fall.

He trusted Chan, more than he logically should, but he was okay with that.

Felix jumped away from Chan when he felt his phone buzz in his back pocket. He checked the notification, only to frown in confusion.

“Who is it, little one?” Chan asked, kissing down Felix’s throat playfully.

“Don’t know, it’s an unknown number,” Felix opened the text, his eyes widening in shock when he read the message. “Oh...”

_Hey Felix! It’s Hyunjin ^o^ Minnie gave me your number, and I wanted to know if you wanted to get coffee sometime? I just think you’re really cute, and they told me you like to dance too! I’m actually getting a minor in dance :D_

“You should say yes.” Chan said, making Felix look up.

“What? Why?”

“Because...” Chan hesitated before taking a deep breath. He rested his forehead against Felix’s shoulder before continuing. “Because... you deserve someone who will treat you well.”

“How do you know he won’t hurt me too?” He hated how bitter he sounded, but Felix had been shattered too many times to not be jaded.

“I know he won’t, just as I know there are great things waiting for you,” Chan whispered against Felix’s shoulder. “You... you don’t have to, but- but I really think you should. He’ll make you happy.”

“You made me happy.”

“He can stay with you.”

Felix didn’t like how small Chan sounded. It almost didn’t sound like Chan at all - almost like there was another voice coming from Chan’s mouth entirely. He hesitated for a moment before sending Hyunjin a quick message back.

_I’m game for coffee :3 and the dance team practices on Wednesdays if you wanna come with me next week!_

He saved Hyunjin’s number, but felt weird doing so. Why did he feel like he was cheating on Chan?

“I’m proud of you, angel,” Chan kissed the corner of Felix’s mouth again. “I’m honored to be able to watch you shine, beloved.”

“Channie-”

“Let’s make some brownies, yeah?” Chan broke away, moving to the cabinet to pull out the box of brownie mix that Felix had bought the other day. “I know they’re your favorite.”

“Mm.” If Felix could only have Chan for a short time, he was going to take every single moment he could.

Even if this wasn’t a dream, Felix knew he would still have to wake up one day.

* * *

  
“I’m guessing the date went well?” Chan teased lightly as Felix closed his bedroom door.

“Channie!” Felix grinned and jumped into the other boy’s arms. “Oh my god it was so perfect! He- he took me to the park and there was a festival going on and he bought us cotton candy and didn’t laugh when I failed at all the games.”

“It sounds like he really planned it all out.” Chan nuzzled Felix’s chin like a cat.

“He’s- he’s so nice,” Felix’s tone was... complicated - like he was happy, but also afraid of what that meant for him. “Why is he so nice?”

“Because you deserve to be treated like a prince, and nothing less.” Chan kissed Felix’s cheek. Even though it was only the boy’s third date with Hyunjin, Chan had been holding back his affections, and it didn’t pass Felix’s attention.

Felix was almost upset about it. Even though he liked Hyunjin - he was starting to _really_ like Hyunjin, which in itself was terrifying - he still wanted Chan’s affections. He wanted Chan’s kisses, and his hugs, and his touches. He didn’t feel guilty at all, which was a little concerning, honestly. Should he feel like he’s cheating?

Did it even count as cheating, if he and Hyunjin weren’t technically dating? Was it cheating if Chan wasn’t... human?

“I’m so happy for you,” Chan said, hiding his face in Felix’s shoulder. “You deserve all the love in the world.”

“I wish you could meet him,” Felix murmured, playing with the hair at the nape of Chan’s neck, smiling a little as the boy in his arms shuddered a little at the feeling. “I think you’d get along... he’s a lot like you, actually.”

“Oh?” Chan chuckled and stood up, trying to pretend his smile wasn’t so painful.

“Mm, he’s... kinda awkward sometimes, but you can instantly tell he’s trying his best,” Felix felt himself smile as he spoke. “He tries to act cool in front of people, but when we’re alone he’s so-so silly. He pushes himself so hard with his choreography, but instantly gets on my ass if I don’t take care of myself.”

“He sounds wonderful.”

“I really, really like him.”

“You should ask him out,” Chan reached out and cupped Felix’s cheek, his tight smile softening when the younger boy leaned into the touch. “I... he’s not going to hurt you. Not like the others.”

“I’d ask how you know that, but I guess spirit guardians know more than us mere mortals,” Felix laughed, and it was like the sun had broken the clouds. “Hm, thank you, Channie.”

“For what?” Chan asked, running a gentle hand along the small of Felix’s back.

“For believing in me,” He hummed happily. “When I didn’t want to live anymore.”

“The world would have gone eternally dark if you had taken your own life,” Chan’s voice changed again. Felix had heard the boy’s words do it several times, but he still didn’t understand it - why would the spirit’s voice change as though he were a completely different person at random times? “I... I love you, aegi.”

“I love you too Channie.” Felix giggled before kissing Chan’s cheek and pulling away, grabbing his phone to text Hyunjin back. Since that first time they met up for coffee, the two boys had been texting nonstop, sometimes calling and staying up until sunrise talking about love, and life, and fears, and dreams.

Chan watched Felix grin at his phone.

Felix’s love wasn’t the same as Chan’s love.

If he had a heart, it would have shattered.

* * *

Chan watched Felix and Hyunjin giggle on the former’s bed. The two boys were sitting close together, watching a movie on Felix’s laptop, their arms pressing closer and closer together with each passing moment.

Eventually, Hyunjin leaned in and kissed Felix gently, taking their attention away from the movie entirely. Chan knew they wouldn’t finish the movie any time soon. He carefully caught the laptop as it was kicked off the bed. He was unseen, just as he should have been from the beginning. Placing the laptop gently on the ground, Chan turned away from where Felix and Hyunjin’s gentle kiss had turned into something a little heavier.

It broke his heart, when he had to erase Felix’s memory, but it needed to be done. He couldn’t stay in Felix’s life if he wanted the boy to be happy.

His time with Felix was... all he ever could have asked for. He never should have fallen in love with a human - especially not one he was supposed to..

Minho let his human form drop. He didn’t even know who this Chan boy was, but he knew Felix adored the human known as Bangchan. He looked down at himself in apathy - he wanted to be disgusted with himself, but what was the point?

He was a demon, nothing more and nothing less. He had been appointed to bring misery to Lee Yongbok, but he couldn’t do it. The second Minho had seen Felix’s bright smile, he knew he was fucked. He fell in love - something he didn’t think his kind was capable of.

Minho held his wings close to his body, the midnight black scales blending in with the shadows in the corners of the room. His pointed tail wrapped around his ankle, like a child hiding behind their mother’s leg in fear. The sounds Felix made as Hyunjin made love to him were nothing short of sinful...

And Minho was nothing short of sin itself.

He turned away and left the room. He would never be back - he had done all he was able to. He had protected the boy from the other demons that tried to get to him, taking that human boy’s form whenever they got too close to his precious Felix. He knew he would be in trouble when he returned home, but even if Felix forgot, Minho’s memories of his time with the human would be worth any punishment he might face.

Just before Felix faded completely, Minho turned and looked back.

“I’ll always love you, Pixie,” His voice broke - his true voice, not the one he had put on for his Chan impression. The voice that had slipped through the cracks one too many times in front of the boy. “Please... be happy.”

And with that, Minho left the human realm, never to return.

Felix felt a chill do down his spine, but he didn’t know why. The windows were closed, and his skin was flushed from where Hyunjin pressed steaming kisses against it.

“Lixie?” Hyunjin stopped what he was doing, eyes widening in shock when he saw tears rolling down his boyfriend’s cheeks. “Baby, what's wrong?”

“I- I don’t know,” He sobbed, his chest feeling like it was being ripped open. He felt like... like he lost something important to him, but he hadn’t lost anything at all. “It h-hurts!”

“What hurts pup?” Hyunjin asked, cradling the smaller boy. They were both naked, but there was no awkwardness between them - not anymore.

“My h-heart...” Felix sobbed as though he were dying. Hyunjin felt helpless as he held Felix close. There was nothing he could but whisper into the other boy’s ear, reminding how much he loved Felix.

“Shh, it’s alright,” He whispered, not understanding why Felix started crying even harder in his arms. “Shh, I’ve got you. You’re okay... I love you, Felix.”

“I love you...” The words were painful to say, but at the same time, it was like a weight had been lifted from his chest.

Like he had said something far more important than it seemed.

He cried into Hyunjin’s chest, feeling both complete, and broken at the same time, and not understanding why.

As long as he had Hyunjin. He would be okay, though.

Felix would never have to be alone again.

**Author's Note:**

> yay another vent fic!! I had a shitty day y'all :( the corset I was so excited to get came in but it was so small even when I added new ribbons to widen the lacing and I just felt so disgusting. It's been so long since I've felt like this and it ✨fucking sucks✨ but I distracted myself with this fic and I feel loads better UwU and that's on 'healthy' coping mechanisms


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